MALE AND FEMALE RENEWED IN CHRIST, Jay Wegter, teacher. www.gospelforlife.org
Make your Wife Glorious; The Marital Commands of Ephesians 5 S Y N O P S I S
The redemptive ideal in marriage is drawn from Christ’s redemptive love for His Bride, the Church. The manner in which Christian marriages typify Christ’s relationship with His church is multi-faceted and complex. Paul describes it as a mystery (Eph. 5:32). It is a mystery not easily exhausted.
Consider the depth of this mystery. Our Creator became a man in order to redeem a portion of sinful mankind that this portion might become His eternal Bride. The Lord is forever joined to our nature. He has taken on a body of dust that He might be glorified in that body and thereby glorify His human Bride. Divine nature is forever ‘wed’ to human nature in the Person of Christ that redeemed humans might forever be united to God and glorified in their Head – how deep is this mystery!
The greatest wedding in the cosmos is yet future. All the elect before us prepared for it. Heaven itself is defined by this cosmic union yet to come. Redeemed individuals shall be seated above angels in glory as God’s eternal companions and as Christ’s beloved bride. The great marriage supper of the Lamb will inaugurate the consummation of God’s purposes in salvation (Rev. 19:7-9). We shall be raised to the honor and glory of Christ’s estate by virtue of our union with Him (2 Thess 2:14).
On that day, all of the bride’s distressing corruptions will fall to the ground in an instant. She will be clothed in white and will be without spot or wrinkle. God the Father will present her clothed in splendor and glory, spotless, made ready for her husband. She will be given to the Son of God in a cosmic wedding ceremony to be witnessed by the holy rational universe.
Christian marriage is God’s object lesson on earth of redemption. God’s great undertaking to redeem a portion of humanity and make them fit to wed His Son encompasses a plan that precedes time. In eternity past God planned our redemption in His eternal counsels; a covenant within the Godhead known as the covenant of redemption. The names of the elect were written into this covenant. In effect, the Father chose a Bride for His Son.
There is no higher earthly picture of the redemptive relationship between the Lord and the believer than marriage. Marriages characterized by sacrificial love and whole-hearted submission glorify God because they reflect the perfection of love in future glory between the Lord and the saints. Thus a Spirit-filled marriage relationship that fulfills the redemptive ideals and commands of Ephesians 5 presents a powerful object lesson to the watching world.
The perfect model and pattern for earthly marital union is the oneness inherent in the Christ-church relationship (this oneness was first set forth in the wedding of Adam and Eve – bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh – Gen 2:23). The power and impact of a redemptive marriage relationship is contained in its ability to communicate the mystery of Christ and His Church.
Only the Spirit-filled, Spirit-enabled believer can fulfill the marital commands of Ephesians chapter 5. Couples devoted to Christ and His glory embrace the vision to reflect Christ’s relationship with His church. It is their purpose by obeying Christ in their marriage relationships to attest to the invisible supernatural reality of Christ and His Church.
In our culture, marriage is all too often trivialized into a mere social contract that exists only for the convenience and felt needs of the individual. As our nation is increasingly secularized, apart from a revival, we can expect that the institution of marriage will be increasingly stripped of meaning; no longer viewed as a divine institution and covenant and no longer a communicator of the mystery of redemption. Scripture establishes the highest purpose for marriage to be above our own desire for fulfillment. That lofty purpose entails an opportunity to bear fruit for God in the reverence of Christ (Rom 7:4).
In order for marriages to be spiritually fruitful, they must glorify God. Obedience to the commands of Ephesians 5 is the divinely appointed means by which the partners in holy matrimony glorify God in the marriage relationship; they glorify the Lord by showing forth the mystery of Christ and the church.
When the biblical roles are occupied, God is exalted in the redemptive ideal. This obedience to the marital commands bears fruit for God. God’s glory is a loftier goal than our own happiness. Seeking to bear fruit for God will not prevent our happiness, but will achieve it in the manner appointed by God’s Word. Christ’s Bride is made glorious by Christ’s redemption and sanctification of her. Her part is to submit to Him in order to be made glorious. God’s way is glory through submission.
Jesus Christ is the perfect demonstration of glory through submission. He was the perfect disciple, the perfect believer, the perfect Son. He exhibited no will to power; He always sought first the kingdom of God (Phil 2:5-11). He did not love His own life unto death, but became obedient unto death. The Father’s will was His meat and drink (Jn 4:34). He submitted perfectly to Him who judges righteously. He did not love all that was in this world, but overcame the world. He lost His life for the sake of the gospel; He laid down His life for the sake of His Bride.
This loving submission among equals is a marvelous pattern; for it is inherent in the Godhead. A division of labor; a hierarchy of authority and honor among equals; this is the model for marriage. The universe is built upon this truth of unity, equality, and diversity within the Godhead!
Christ is worthy therefore to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing (Rev 5:12). God highly exalted Him and bestowed upon Him a name above every name (Phil 2:9). Christ perfectly exemplifies the kingdom way of gloriousness; the way of submission.
The church is powerless to make her self glorious; she is to submit to Christ, this is how she is to be made glorious. The more she lives sumptuously, the more she enriches and embellishes herself, the more she will resemble the world and be degraded in the process (Rev 3:17,18). Apostate Rome has tried to make her self glorious with gold and purple and pomp – but her wealth and fame will turn to consuming fire on the last day; her abundance will consume her flesh (James 5:1-3ff).
The devil’s lie has always been about self-glorification. The world offers this narcissistic approach to importance. But it is utterly impotent. The path to glory is modeled by the relations within the Holy Trinity. Glory only comes as a byproduct of submission to the Glorious One. (If this is true of our sinless Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; how much more for the sinful creature?)
This is why in heaven’s eyes submission is a love word; for submission is surrender to love. It is devotion to the One who holds you in His heart. Christ’s love to the Father is seen in His submission. Christ’s obedience that led Him to Calvary declares both His love for the Father and the church. The Savior’s heart is fixed upon the joy He will forever experience with His glorified bride (Heb. 12:2).
When sacrificial love is joined to submission, glory follows. Christ sets the pattern. He loves sacrificially; He redeems; He sanctifies; He glorifies His church. Ephesians 5 elucidates these eternal truths and applies them to marriage in the form of principles.
When drawing from the well of redemptive truth in these verses (Eph 5:22-33), precept must stay joined to mystery if the full benefit is to be derived. Husbands and wives who feed upon the redemptive truths of Christ and the Church will find no lack of motivation to fulfill the gender-specific commands of Ephesians 5. Just as the Church’s submission to Christ is the means of her perfecting, the wife’s submission to her husband is central to her sanctification as a married believer. So also, the husband is given gender-specific commands by the Lord (sacrificial love for his wife). He must commit himself to the obedience of commands in order for his sanctification to continue unhindered.
As true disciples of Christ, both husband and wife are commanded to die to self (Matt. 16:24). In the marriage relationship, the husband dies to self by sacrificing himself for his wife (as Christ did for the church) and she dies to self by sacrificing her will in obedience to him (as the church does in obedience to Christ). As these roles are occupied, Christ’s love is magnified by the lives of the spouses. In addition, when these respective roles are occupied, there is a deepening and a maturing of godly masculinity and femininity in the husband and the wife.
The man’s spiritual headship is not to be regarded merely as male privilege; it is to be understood as the man’s appointment and equipping by God to make his wife glorious. He serves her by occupying his headship instead of relinquishing it. His headship is for the edification and protection of his whole family; he occupies the place of spiritual authority for the sake of others (Deut. 6:6-7). Husbands are to fulfill their headship toward their wives by loving them sacrificially. Husbands are placed in a role of spiritual leadership in order to make their wives glorious – he lays down his life for her; he washes her by the Word.
The man who treasures his God-given role as redeemer in the marriage will enthusiastically occupy his position of spiritual headship. In a Christian marriage, the pursuit of the redemptive ideal is necessarily joined to progressive sanctification; for marriage is by God’s design both a crucible and a classroom for progress in godliness.
Obedience to gender specific commands of Ephesians 5 is part and parcel of progressive sanctification. The godly husband who is intent upon modeling the principles of Ephesians 5 will be careful not to relinquish or abuse his headship. He rightly reasons that as God’s man he is a tool in God’s hands for his wife’s sanctification; he must do nothing less than contribute to his wife’s preparation for heaven. As such the husband is a type of Christ. He must not break the type by harboring unforgiveness, or by dealing with his wife harshly, or by operating out of selfishness.
Christ’s sacrificial love for His church had the goal in mind of her sanctification and purity. Christ’s purifying love teaches us that love pursues purity in its object. Love wants only the highest good for the one it loves. The Christian husband who understands his redemptive role will see his wife’s greatest earthly need as the exercise of his godly manhood on her behalf. (Comprehending the height of this headship calling will assist in liberating Christian marriage from the false charges of chauvinism.) In that same vein it needs to be stressed that the wife’s submission is not a mindless or passive carrying out of another’s wishes. The wife provides creative dynamic feedback. She offers wit and counsel to her husband as an ideal helpmate.
When couples fulfill the marital commands of Ephesians 5, they reach the highest possible potential of harmony, intimacy, and fulfillment. The fulfilled woman of Ephesians 5 is one who is cherished, who is nourished, who is provided for, and who is loved sacrificially. By identifying with her husband’s purposes, a wife sets her husband free to make her glorious. The wife as well as the husband must see the marriage through the lens of the redemptive analogy. When obeyed, the commands of Ephesians 5 put an end to challenging, resisting and contesting.
The attitudes and actions of Ephesians 5 are directed at our mates, but they are ultimately God-ward in direction. We please Christ first in order to please our mate. The key to effectiveness in modeling the redemptive ideal is submission to Christ first. If our desire to please our mate is not grounded in our desire to reverence and please Christ, we will tend to settle for a lower standard of obedience that will be more sporadic. The highest motivation to obey these commands (so as to deny self) is to be drawn from Christ’s love and from a desire to please Him above all others.
When we seek to please Christ first, it will protect us from our own sin natures and the sin nature of our mate. If our motivation to love and submit comes from no higher incentive than our mate’s approval, we will find that we are not obeying to the glory of God. The temptation will be too great to make our spouse the primary evaluator of our behavior. (This is fraught with unique problems; especially if the male lives for the approval of his wife rather than the approval of Christ.)
Our submission to Christ is the source of our spiritual strength. We honor Christ and we enjoy fellowship with Him when we live to please Him by obedience to the marital commands. In this way the fulfillment of the roles mandated in Ephesians 5 becomes pivotal to our sanctification. The gender specific commands take on a significance that goes all the way back to the curse.
Through the indwelling of Christ’s Spirit believers are able to rise above the natural tendencies of male domination and female manipulation (see the effects of the curse in Genesis 3; especially 3:16 in which male domination and female manipulation are set forth as inevitable in a fallen world. The commands of Ephesians 5 have the potential to take the marriage relationship to a spiritual height that rises above the natural relational tension described in the Curse).
Redemption in Christ is intended to overcome the effects of the fall in marital relations. In rising above these tendencies inherent in our natures – Christian couples are able to model the mystery of Christ and the Church. God is glorified when the redemptive ideal is lived out in Christian marriages. Husbands and wives are progressively sanctified in the process of living out the redemptive ideal. The precepts that govern the behavior of spouses toward each other must stay joined to the doctrine of the atonement; the mystery of redemption and union with Christ is intended to animate our willingness to pursue the redemptive ideal.
Redemption through Christ is the foundation for these precepts and the source of their power. Christian marriages need greater attention to the atonement in order to realize the redemptive ideal in their lives. God has joined His own glory to our highest good in allowing Christian marriages to show forth the wonderful mystery of Christ’s redemptive love for His church.
Christian couples who are involved in a courtship would benefit greatly by mastering an understanding of the redemptive ideal. Countless young men and women who are looking to marriage have rested their hope of marital harmony upon the strength of their romantic love.
The foundation of romantic love lacks the depth and stability necessary to keep a couple moving toward a mature love and toward a godly intimacy. Only the redemptive ideal can provide the necessary incentive for perpetual sacrificial love and only the redemptive ideal provides the divine pattern for a spiritually fruitful marital relationship.